Newport Edition

Newport Edition Nurburgler 2k7

It all started on a cold and very early Friday Morning, the 5th of October to be exact and NewportEdition were on the road once again. But this time it was different, this time it was no short trip to Inters, and no quick blast to Ed38. We had 500 miles and 5 countries of driving to get through and that was just the trip there.

Nothing overly exiting to report on the first leg of the journey, Team Banana showed off their in-car LED rolling message sign and Dan & Ewan set off into the night with their knight rider style pulsing grill light, very 80’s. We made good time down to the Chunnel and 20 mins later we landed in France. At the check point a few of us were called in for a full cavity search.. what a load of shit that was!

The half hour stint through France was also quite un-eventful, Belgium however was not................
We were all quietly driving down one of the Belgium Motorways at around 130k when Nick cut a biker up, as you do when they’re hidden from view racing down through the traffic. Nothing drastic at this point but the biker lost it! He rode up alongside us and then rammed the car while we were still travelling at 80mph!!, what a nutter! No one traveling in the convoy behind could believe it. The biker stuck with us for a good 10 minutes waving his hands and flashing hand signals til he realised our group was too big to bother with, then he buggered off to chants of “Lecken Sie meine Kugeln und rammen meinen Hahn herauf Ihren Arsch” Judging by the chant we were already in the German mood and Belgium lingo not being our strong point we raced for the border.

Then came the usual problem on the way to the burglar, a road closure, and we were lost once again in the middle of Sausage land. The group by know had split up into two and it wasn’t long until tempers were flaring. Our group decided to follow the ‘justified Ancients of Tom-tom’ and thankfully for our sake got to Eddy’s first, else we would have been in for a right ribbing by those who followed.

That night after we’d settled in we just chilled with the German locals, who seemed to just laugh at us, especially Taylor because he was trying to poke the barmaid, Standard. This pub would turn out to be a good source of entertainment for the next few evenings, especially when you mix drink with loads of waxed veg and a wooden pig (October Fest).

Waking early on our first full day at the Nürburgring involved a trip down to the main town of Adenau to test our German lingo at the local dealership. Ryan’s rear shocks in his MK4 decided to piss themselves on the journey down causing the rear wheels to skip over every little pot hole, not to mention caking his arches with fluid (more about cake later). As thought VW didn’t hold them in stock but they did have some black paint to touch up Nick’s ‘biker curbed’ alloy so not all was lost and we did finally get some shocks off a 1.4 golf at the local scrappy, even if they were a tad expensive for second hand parts! It was then back to the NewportEdition Auflage for a bit of DIY while everyone else was getting their cars prepped for an afternoon track session.

Just down the road from the manor house lies one of the best locations on the track for spectators. Most of the day was spent watching some Dunlop world power series racing or something for a while before a few of the guys got some laps in before dark. In true South Welsh fashion the night ended at the local pub, where we were properly introduced to ‘the pig’ (October Fest icon). Plans were drawn up to kidnap said pig one night, but Monkey just couldn’t wait to get his hands on it and got caught in the act by a Mr Klaus Van Asse-strapen by the back door as he man handling the wooden wonder and swiftly had to return it.

From there we all went back to the ‘Hugh £1million’ mansion for a Lidl cake fight and some bed smashing action (nothing to do with German tv). I’ve never laughed so much in my life, hilarious! or so Dan and Ewan thought until we stormed their room. I believe that this is also the night that Guy T-Bagged Clarkee while he was asleep! I dunno.. you give Guy 3 pints and he’s dangling his balls in someone’s mouth?!

Sunday, the ring was packed and far too busy for most to venture out with the crazy locals on the track, Guy got in a load of good laps as did Ryan and a new recruit Supra-Ted was also flying around.  Most of the rest of us just had a chilled out day ogling GT3’s, Fezzers and other exotic machines in the main ring car park.

Monday was Karting day at the F1 circuit in the morning and some top skills were shown. Nürburg Phil with his usual aggressive driving style and his mate Hugh were cornering too fast and spinning everywhere, believe me this would show later in the day. At approx 2pm we had our first NewportEdition casualty in 3 years, Bryn in his spanking new motor lost it on a bend, hit the grass and it was goodnight Vienna. It cost over €1000 just to get the car off the track and repair the barrier, hope it’s all sorted now fella!

After our usual evening meal at Eddy’s down at his hotel we were all travelling back to have a final night drink and Pauls bad luck struck again for the second year. Last year it was his gearbox and this year his clutch packed in, it was too late to sort out so it still remains in Germany while he fights it out with the Recovery company. Good luck Paul!

So off to the pub for the final night and we took it quite easy, but plans were well underway to borrow the wooden pig already named Spidy Pig from his German home. Two off us covered the bar so we could sneak it outside, but while we were doing this the owner bought us all drinks which made us feel real guilty. Anyway the guilt could be held no more, so a certain 6’8” member of NewportEdition downed his drink, ran out the door, grabbed the pig on the way past and just carried on running for about 100yrds until almost collapsing in a fit of laughter. Spidy Pig will be available for viewing at all events while on his UK vacation and Klaus if you’re reading this, we will return him next year well fed and well oiled!

While all this was going on Chris and Guy were at the Nordschlief painting our mark on the track, they said it was a bit scary at the time with their paint tray and roller, but they still got it done and a big well done to them.
Sadly the roof plate was a no go due to too many Securitas staff; we did try right up until the last night. Maybe next year.

One more storey, I bet Monkey thought he had got away with it.  I shall begin..........................
Before returning from Chez Eddy’s one night, monkey wanted some alka seltzer to settle his tummy from our daily dose of Currywhurst. So into Lidl he strolled to pick up a box of 120 tablets, which he thought was a bargain even though all the writing was in German. He was happy though so off we all went back to the manor. Back to the room glass in hand gallon of water in the other he plonked a tablet into the glass. It fizzed like Alka Seltzer, looked like Alka Seltzer, smelt a bit funny but Monkey drank it anyway.
“Tastes a bit funny” he said and on further investigation he had just downed half a pint of dental bleach!! A trip to the doctors revealed he was all clear, just had to drink loads of water, or in Monkey’s case loads of beer to wash it through his system. We all thought this was hilarious.. Ohh how his teeth glistened for the rest of the trip, blinding everything in his path.

A massive thanks to Guy and Donna for another class year. And respect to everyone who made the trip such a good one.. roll on next year!

Cheers Clarts

Gaz B, Ewan E